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How to Use Internal Family Systems (IFS) in Everyday Life

Writer's picture: AndyAndy

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy isn't just a clinical approach; its principles can be integrated into everyday life to foster greater self-awareness, compassion, and inner harmony. By understanding the concept of parts and the Self, you can navigate daily challenges with more ease and resilience. This article explores practical ways to apply IFS principles in your day-to-day life. 



1. Noticing Your Parts:


The first step in using IFS in everyday life is developing the ability to notice your parts. This involves paying attention to your internal experience – your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and images.

  • Pay attention to your inner dialogue: Notice the different “voices” or perspectives that arise in your mind. Are some critical, while others are nurturing?

  • Observe your emotions: Notice how different situations trigger different emotions. Do you experience sudden shifts in mood or energy?

  • Tune into your body sensations: Notice physical sensations associated with different emotions or thoughts. Do you feel tension in your shoulders when you're stressed, or a flutter in your stomach when you're anxious?


Example: You're about to give a presentation at work. You might notice a part that feels anxious and worried about making mistakes (a Manager). You might also notice a part that feels excited about sharing your work (another Manager or perhaps a more youthful part).


2. Identifying Parts and Their Roles:


Once you start noticing different internal experiences, try to identify the specific parts involved and the roles they play.

  • Give your parts names or labels: This helps to externalize them and make them easier to recognize. For example, you might have an “Inner Critic,” a “Perfectionist,” a “Worrier,” or a “Fun-Loving Kid.”

  • Explore the part's intention: Ask yourself what the part is trying to do for you. Even if the behavior is problematic, the intention is usually positive. For example, the Inner Critic might be trying to protect you from failure or embarrassment.  

  • Notice the part's feelings and beliefs: What emotions does the part typically experience? What beliefs does it hold about itself, you, and the world?


Example: You notice your Inner Critic is saying, "You're going to mess this presentation up. You're not good enough." You might explore this part's intention and discover it's trying to protect you from feeling ashamed if you make a mistake.


3. Distinguishing Between Parts and the Self:


A crucial aspect of IFS is distinguishing between your parts and your Self. Remember, the Self is the core of your being, characterized by the 8 Cs: Compassion, Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Connection, Courage, Confidence, and Creativity.  

  • Practice self-compassion: When you notice a challenging part, try to approach it with kindness and understanding, rather than judgment.

  • Cultivate curiosity: Approach your parts with a genuine interest in understanding their perspectives and intentions.

  • Find your center: Practice techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness meditation to access a sense of inner calm and presence. 


Example: Instead of getting caught up in the Inner Critic's negativity, you can take a deep breath and say to yourself, "I notice you're worried about the presentation. I appreciate that you want me to do well." This allows you to observe the part from a place of Self, rather than being blended with it.


4. Relating to Parts from the Self:


Once you can distinguish between your parts and your Self, you can begin to relate to your parts from a place of Self-leadership.

  • Listen to your parts: Give your parts space to express themselves without judgment.  

  • Validate their feelings: Acknowledge and validate the emotions your parts are experiencing.

  • Offer compassion and support: Offer your parts the understanding and support they need.


Example: You might say to your anxious part, "I understand you're feeling scared. It's okay to feel nervous before a presentation. I'm here with you, and we'll get through this together."


5. Applying IFS to Everyday Challenges:


You can use IFS principles to navigate a variety of everyday challenges:

  • Managing stress and anxiety: When you feel overwhelmed, identify the parts that are contributing to your stress and offer them compassion.

  • Resolving inner conflicts: When you experience conflicting desires or motivations, explore the parts involved and try to find a compromise that honors everyone's needs.  

  • Improving relationships: Understanding your own parts can help you understand the dynamics in your relationships with others.

  • Making decisions: When faced with a difficult decision, consult with your different parts and seek their input.


Example: You're deciding whether to take a new job. One part might be excited about the new opportunity, while another part might be scared of leaving your current job. By listening to both parts and acknowledging their concerns, you can make a more informed and balanced decision.


6. Working with Extreme Parts:


Some parts may be more extreme or challenging to work with. If you're experiencing intense emotional distress or struggling to manage your parts on your own, it's important to seek professional help from a therapist trained in IFS.


Integrating IFS principles into your daily life can be a powerful way to cultivate greater self-awareness, compassion, and inner harmony. By learning to notice, understand, and relate to your parts from the Self, you can navigate life's challenges with more ease, resilience, and a deeper sense of inner peace. Remember, it's a journey of self-discovery, and with practice, you can learn to lead your internal system from a place of wisdom and compassion.



If you are struggling with mental health and interested in IFS/parts work, contact me and we can talk about how therapy can help.





For transparency, this article was written with the help of AI (Google Gemini)

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